I’ll apologize in advance for this and warn you not to read on if you’re allergic to groaning. The Blogmeister’s mom and long list of friends are big time into forwarding emails around the planet (she’s old school…still has an AOL account) and when something is particularly horrific she assaults her only son with it. This one hurt so bad that I needed to get it out of my brain by sharing it with you.

I hope it works.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If you stop now you’re going to be better off.

Seriously.

All right…you asked for it.

• How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.
• Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.
• I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro – what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

And a hysterical side note; I mentioned a while back that we get spam comments pretty much every day (meaning that somebody has to take the time to register before adding a link to their site and a comment…and they all end up in the spam folder). Every now and then I go check them to 1) make sure that something didn’t end up in there by mistake and 2) see what these geniuses are writing. I now have a new (incomprehensible) fave:

“I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.”

Wow.