So a family member of mine was cruising the blog and mentioned in an email that, although she’d known me most of my life, she’d had no idea I was so bizarre and twisted (I suspect she was fibbing, it’s not like I hide it). I found it difficult (impossible) to disagree. She had also made note of several of the weirder one-liners in the blog and fed them back to me…I’d pretty much forgotten most of them. Of course, I don’t have a real clear picture of what I did this morning either so that’s not much a surprise. At the end of our email she suggested (dared) that I pull some out and put ’em in one place for some laughs. Always one for a dare, I did. Is this post a little self-indulgent? Probably (but it WAS a dare and not my idea). At the very least this should make somebody giggle and that’s always a good thing, especially after the stress of the holidays. It definitely made me shake my head just before I started pounding it on my desk.

And away we go…

• Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun
• The sound you’re making is immediately choked off and the best you can do until you recover is a not-so-lovely bark/caw/squawk/croak thingy.
• Tenors –Well…they’re just nuts.
• Sometimes the English language doesn’t make sense.
• Don’t eat an entire side of beef, but feed the machine.
• News flash: adrenaline is really fun.
• Just the one margarita, a mango one…fruit is good for you.
• Deep breaths can keep our adventurer from turning “this is exhilarating” into “this is really gonna hurt when I land”.
• I think Susie lost her mind over the summer.
• 1) That was a lion, 2) he was hungry and 3) I was made out of food.
• I can’t tell you what language(s) you’ll be singing, how many strange noises you’ll make during warm-ups, or what goes through the mind of a tenor (if anything other than a gentle breeze).
• Face it, if getting together with 100 people to share the joy of music sucked, those are two hours on a weeknight you’d spend someplace else.
• Sometimes you just have to jump out of your chair and dance between the tables.
• “Yabba-daba-doo, Barney!”
• I wish I’d been in that meeting when somebody stood up and said, “Hey guys, I’ve got a GREAT idea” so I could smack him in the temple and tell him to sit down and be quiet.
• Knock wood or, if there’s none around, the top of my pointy head.
• “Fine screaming of a tight Christmas”
• Tenors – Okay, they’re still nuts. Some things are universal.
• When tweetle beetles battle with paddles in a puddle they call it a tweetle beetle puddle paddle battle (thank you, Dr. Seuss).
• 100% of the parents in the world look at their newborn child and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It doesn’t matter that 100% of the newborns in the world look like Winston Churchill.
• We have to send ridiculous mounds of paperwork to the government and it needs to be right or we become even MORE non-profit.
• I bet you didn’t know there was a Frog Jumping Championships World Headquarters.
• If only we could get tenors and basses to work together more. See? I said something funny.
• Blogmeister in an apron = happy Mrs. Blogmeister.
• Where in the name of Alton Brown am I going to find red currant jelly on an island?
• If some is good, more is better and ‘too much’ is just right.
• There’s always therapy and anti-depressants but, if you ask me, that’s a bit of overkill.
• The REAL definition of elevator, according to the Blogmeister:“A non-air-conditioned metal box containing people in various states of cleanliness leading to a wide variety of odors standing on a floor surface that has not been cleaned since the Reagan administration leading to another wide variety of odors.”
• Errrrr…>>>boom<<<…my head exploded.
• The Blogmeister has a job (stop laughing, I really do).
• Scream and run in circles like your hair is on fire.
• Safety tip: don’t go to scary movies with your mother unless you want to lose an arm.
• Consider it a musical oxymoron: stabilized insanity.
• For me, the first thing in the aging process is losing my memory. The second is losing my memory.
• That split second before you hit the ground after your parachute didn’t open and your new name is about to be “crater”: shock, fear, panic and then >bam<…unconsciousness.
• Nookie feels good. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t do it and the world would soon be run by cockroaches.
• Back when I was a kid I met Maria at the Trapp Family Lodge in Vermont. She didn’t look like Julie Andrews at ALL. She was built like a refrigerator with a head on it.
• HOW many halls are being decked with boughs of holly?!…snicker
• I will unashamedly admit that I’ve sung the entire soundtrack of “Mary Poppins”.
• The internet isn’t all cat videos and recipe blogs.

And every now and then, something coherent…

• There’s nothing like a Marine and we’re proud to know you, thank you and make music with you.